'Cause baby I am the opening act, the headliner, and the after party [entries|friends|calendar] Float like a butterfly, sting like Abi. [ website | Black flowers blossom, fearless on my breath. ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Quarter-life crisis [02 Mar 2009|01:23am] Written February 28, Saturday ====== No doubt about it, as soon as I knew what summer vacation was, in all 18 years of my scholastic life, the first of summer was always the most sacred holiday of the year. We didn't have sembreak in high school (at least not according to my recollection), and Christmas break was just a temporary reprieve - a coffee break, if you will - in the long, insipid, tiresome day that was the school year. The last day of school was the hallelujah of relief and satisfaction you make when your pretty little butt cheeks kiss the mouth of a welcoming couch after a good run. I call them locker room sounds, but I digress. Even the school fairs, the arbitrary Pasig Day, or a stormy day had nothing on the first of summer. It was more religious than Easter, and to this holiday of obligation I gave all my obligation. Yesterday was the first day of the last summer of my life. I've been heaving hallelujas since my final Theo oral ended at 5:36 pm yesterday. It hasn't quite sunken in that I will no longer have tests, papers, orals, teachers, and readings to think about. Nevertheless, I'm done with school forever! Formal, academic education, anyway; I'm going to study makeup still. The thing is - I thought yesterday would feel more celebration-worthy. True, it felt like it did, and it was, and we did celebrate some, but not as much as I would have liked to. It was more like a few hits of a stick on the buttocks of a pail than the BANG that I wanted, although it turned out well anyway, thanks to Rose, Negro, Max, and Magoo. I know that I could have been more excited about the last day of the last week of the last month of the last year of my student life, but things get in the way. It's one thing to project and assume a position, but when you're actually walking those steps, perceptions change. It's one of those, "be careful what you wish for because it just might come true" things. Every suffering student fantasizes about their last day of school like a lonely desert traveller sees an oasis a few meters in front of him. When he gets there though, he realizes that there really is no oasis: it's the same bloody desert he's been walking on, and he is under the same damn heat that cause his dellusions. Summer vacations were so lovely to look forward to when I was in school ("when I was in school" eh, no? Ang yabang, haha!) because at the back of my mind, there was the comfort and certainty of June rolling just around the corner with a reliable new school year: new mountains to climb and descend from. Now it feels like I'm looking over the edge of a cliff. I have no idea what to do. Sure, I'll do makeup, buut how far is that going to take me? This is the poorest I've ever felt (not been; felt) and it is not a wonderful feeling. I really want to travel now because as Lukas Kohler so brilliantly and bluntly pointed out, now is the time to not have to be serious. I have never had this much nothing-to-do for such a long time; indefinitely is a very long time. I guess I'll know when it's time I should start doing something already, which would mean getting off my ass and looking for a job. But how long before I actually find one? Yes, there's the NU DJ gig, but that's not a regular gig (it's only on certain Mondays from 9-11 pm), nor does it pay. Makeup? It's going to take a while before I get booked real jobs and while I do intend on working on that soon, credibility and network are two things that will take eons to build. I can ask Tita Sienna to help hook me up for an events position in the PBA, if I indeed intend to return there, but I can't depend on her forever, nor can I make-landz with her hovering over my head, haha! I can also ask my parents to hook me up in advertising agencies, or ABSCBN, or my choice from the multitude of communication-related companies they have connections with, but I'm not sure if I fit into that world, or if I'm ready for it at that. I guess this is where I realize how lucky I am to be backed up by a family business. My father has just offered me a job that can earn me as much as 50 grand per deal that I close, selling toothbrushes to schools. 50 grand, per school, multiplied by what, 10 schools around the metro? 50 grand, per school, per year? Do you see the currency signs flashing before my 21-year young eyes? If it's going to be as promising as it sounds, I'd take it right away. I'm inclined to, actually, and I'm seriously considering it. I'm only afraid that I'll never meet new people (if you know what I mean) because all I'd be talking to are school people and company people, and that's no fun. It's hard for me to meet new people, and we all know how limited my demographic already is to begin with - why restrict it some more? Also, I'm afraid I'll never get out of it. In the back of my mind I already know that I'm pretty much destined to take over the company at one point or another, but do I really want to? I don't want to be miserable because of a job like my father is. I'd like to be able to explore other things and meet tons of new people, and I don't think I'll be able to do that if I start working for the company so soon. I already feel so confined to a little bubble of a world as it is; this isn't helping. I'm barely out of college and already I'm having a quarter-life crisis. I looked forward to getting out of school all my life. Now there are just new, bigger problems to face that I don't even really have to face just yet. Will I ever really get a break?   shoot me

The Boy is Mine. [16 Jan 2009|09:59pm] I'll be the headmaster. DISCLAIMER: No, I am not homophobic, and nor is this post supposed to be. It's not meant to sound angry, either. And I mean absolutely no disrespect. These are merely the thoughts of a disgruntled biological female who has been frustrated with all kinds of biological males for way too long. Ever since Eve was supposedly created from Adam's rib and flesh, women have never been given the same regard as men. Never. Ever. It is ridiculously uncool as eons have come and gone, and there are people who still think they - we - are less than (hu)man. Now, that isn't really the problem I would like to address right now because Lord knows because, let's face it, we could grab men by the balls, drive them to the ground and beat them while they're down if we wanted to - no problem. Ask all the girls who have left their men for another guy, who have pulled the rug out from underneath them as they plummeted into love, and who have left them with blue balls. I'll admit to that last bit and I enjoyed the fuck out of it (no pun intended) -- Oh, the control. That's the one thing I know that tastes sweeter than Revenge Served Cold. But I digress. Like I said, that is not the issue that's got my riled up. I saw the piece TV Patrol did on Rustom Padilla about an hour ago. He just arrived from New York, where he studied modelling for a few months. If you didn't see the Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah movie (I did), or that season of Pinoy Big Brother that he was in (I didn't), you would know that he has come out of the closet of manhood, and ooohhh did he come out. He now calls himself "BB" (as in binibini), sports red lipstick brighter than both my Viva Glam and Chanel shades combined, dresses like a matron (sorry, scarf + sunglasses + bouquet of roses is just very lola to me), and is, I think, preparing for a complete sex change if he hasn't undergone one already while he was abroad. I also saw La Mala Educacion last night. It was much more disturbing than your usual Pedro Almodovar film, but I liked it anyway because Gael Garcia Bernal is (1) gorgeous, (2) delicious, and (3) packing some serious heat. Teeheehee! But allow me to reiterate just one more time, just in case you have already forgotten, that neither I nor this entry are either homophobic or angry. I know many homosexuals, of different degrees. I have an uncle, who is very near and dear to my heart, undergoing his transition. I partied with them on Castro Street, on Halloween. I see many of them in school (whut up, Dollhouse), and those of them that I do know are wonderful people. So please do not take this personally, as an attack to your incredible personhood, because you are wonderful human beings, and I just really want to voice my frustrations not against you, but about the way things are. It's not like girls aren't already so oppressed the way it is. Do you (people in general) have any idea how difficult it is to find a decent man in the world? Mount Everest has nothing on the shit we have to go through. We have to compete with each other, with God, with basketball, with money, with DoTA. Now we have to compete with other men, too. There are men who just want to schtupp other men, and as if competing with other men for manhood (yes, pun intended) wasn't bad enough for us women to deal with, we have to compete with other men for womanhood, also? *Sigh.* The way I feel about this is the same way I feel about people from the straight-up science colleges (SOM and SOSS, holla) who, come Registration time, all flock to the Communication classes for "light" classes. As a Comm major, I'm supposed to have top priority to take the Comm classes because, duh, that is my major after all. But nooooooooooooooo - we get bumped off because people of who are just looking for an easy way out of their boring, deadening academic lives. I was supposed to take Philippine Cinema this sem, but since that class is now filled with I dunno... Management majors, I'm stuck with Latin American Music. Ugh. Same goes with women, men, and wannabe women. We have to compete with everyone else in school for everything else, and we're apparently not safe even in what are supposedly our own classes. Long story short, I guess all I'm trying to say is -- stop trying to bump us off the world! Stick to your own course, keep playing for the other team, and give us poor girls a chance. Haha! shoot me

Something to lift the spirits. [15 Jan 2009|11:06am] Here's a meme I stole from the lovely, lovely girl the world likes to call Carina. Comment anonymously with... one secret. one compliment. one non-compliment. one love note [to someone; to anyone]. lyrics to a song. how old you are. how long we've been friends. and a hint to who you are. :D   7 point blank shots to the heart | shoot me

Bembol Rockers album launch! [28 Aug 2008|06:17pm] All you cool cats and gals are invited to The Bembol Rockers' Album Launch on September 6, 7:30 PM, at the Eastwood City Central Plaza! Get ready to swing it as the band releases its all-original debut album through a never-before-seen performance... ...plus a swell mini-musical based on songs from the album  ...and the much-anticipated premiere of the band's first music video! FREE ADMISSION, so bring the whole gang! CDs and merchandise will be sold at the launch, too! Many thanks to our fantastic partners, Eastwood City, Asean Biztimes, Animo, People Asia, UR 105.9, ClickTheCity, Splintr.com, Musik Lokal, and B.B.S.M. Band Rehearsal Studios, located at 66 Dona Juana St., Q.C. with telephone number 0922-8227663. Special thanks to Jam 88.3. shoot me

[26 Sep 2003|02:47am] 55 point blank shots to the heart | shoot me

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